Life is a mosaic of moments. Some shimmer with joy, while others are shrouded in darkness. The hardest moments in our life, the ones where we grapple with pain, confusion, and shame, can threaten to consume our entire existence. It's in these moments of intense darkness that our character is tested, where we have the opportunity to find the grace that awaits on the other side.
Growing up, I experienced moments that felt like they swallowed me whole. As a survivor of sexual assault, the memories of those instances sometimes loom larger than any other experiences. And it’s not just the act that stays with you, but also the bewildering emotions that follow. How can something so vile, something so wrong, have moments that physically feel...right? The internal conflict, the guilt and confusion that accompanies such an experience, is a heavy burden to bear.
It's difficult to admit, even to oneself, that there were moments when my body betrayed my emotions. This confusion, this dichotomy between what was happening to me and how my body sometimes reacted, compounded the shame I felt. The narrative that we've been told about sexual assault often doesn't leave room for these complex, multidimensional reactions, making survivors feel even more isolated and guilty.
But, here’s the thing: our feelings, our reactions, and our pain don't define us. What defines us is how we rise after being broken. We are not just our darkest moments, but also the light that breaks through afterward.
Finding grace amidst the shadows of my past was not an overnight journey. It was a winding path filled with self-reflection, tears, and immense support from loved ones. I learned that emotions are not black and white; they're a spectrum of shades, often intermingling in ways we cannot fully comprehend. And it’s okay. It's okay to feel multiple things at once, to be a puzzle even to yourself.
Embracing grace means accepting that we, as human beings, are immensely complex. It means acknowledging the darkness but choosing to step into the light. This grace is not just a concept; it’s a lifeline, a beacon, guiding us to a place of peace, love, and happiness.
For anyone who has suffered from the cruelty of sexual assault or any traumatic event, I want you to know this: You are more than that moment. You are more than the confusion, the pain, the shame. You are resilience. You are strength. You are grace.
Give yourself the compassion and understanding you offer to others. Allow grace to heal the wounds, to stitch together the broken parts, and to guide you towards a future where you can stand tall, unburdened and free.
We are, after all, not just the sum of our experiences but the strength we find in overcoming them. Let grace be the compass that leads you out of the darkness and into the embrace of love, peace, and happiness.